No matter how busy I am, or how well things seem to be going (usually in the minority) there is never enough 'stuff' to go round. Alot of the time it's money. Some of the time it's friends and sometimes it's love.
I really work hard on all areas of my life. I don't know if it's more than most other people. I don't actually care. It's as hard as I can work most of the time, and I try as hard as I can ..again most of the time. But still whatever the 'thing' is. It's like stretching a rubber square over a shape thats just too big. Sometimes way too big, sometimes just a corner wont fit.
Sometimes i feel it's just my lot in life to live like this. A deeper part of me knows that assuming I live long enough someday things will be different..and simpler. I long for this day!!!!
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Friday, 1 February 2008
The state of the nation
Just a couple of earlier entries from my myspace blog. Just to keep everything together you understand...
18/12/07: My uncle died this morning at 7am-ish. He was 83 and thats not a bad age. The thing thats bothered me is that he was such an unassuming guy. I never heard anyone say anything bad about him, and he hardly ever had a bad word to say about anyone else either. When he did comment it was usually a very shrewd, well thought out observation, and always made great sense to me. he doesn't leave a huge mark upon the world. No stones or buildings bear his name, but he does leave one very distressed wife and a family inshock.
Here's to you Harold Nixon. You looked after me as a child and provided a sounding post in the last few years. Your greatly missed. (Told you I'd get you on the internet somehow!!! Just sad it's like this)
Your nephew Al.
25/12/07: Well I had a real task to deal with today. Essentially I have a father who has severe Althzeimers and sits alone most of the time, and I have an Aunty who was recently bereaved and is in a deep depression. I couldn't bear either of these being alone on christmas day, so my plan was to be with both. Thanks to having a wife and child whom my aunty loves I managed it just. Dropped the wife and child off with Aunty together with xmas dinner (pre-made by me) and took myself and other half of xmas dinner to my dads. I'm feeling a real urge to go back to my roots and be back where my family is. Today has solidified this. The time to simplify my life is drawing near I feel.
I've just bought the wonderful Marsedit app btw, so I'm hoping to get better at all this.
Al.
18/12/07: My uncle died this morning at 7am-ish. He was 83 and thats not a bad age. The thing thats bothered me is that he was such an unassuming guy. I never heard anyone say anything bad about him, and he hardly ever had a bad word to say about anyone else either. When he did comment it was usually a very shrewd, well thought out observation, and always made great sense to me. he doesn't leave a huge mark upon the world. No stones or buildings bear his name, but he does leave one very distressed wife and a family inshock.
Here's to you Harold Nixon. You looked after me as a child and provided a sounding post in the last few years. Your greatly missed. (Told you I'd get you on the internet somehow!!! Just sad it's like this)
Your nephew Al.
25/12/07: Well I had a real task to deal with today. Essentially I have a father who has severe Althzeimers and sits alone most of the time, and I have an Aunty who was recently bereaved and is in a deep depression. I couldn't bear either of these being alone on christmas day, so my plan was to be with both. Thanks to having a wife and child whom my aunty loves I managed it just. Dropped the wife and child off with Aunty together with xmas dinner (pre-made by me) and took myself and other half of xmas dinner to my dads. I'm feeling a real urge to go back to my roots and be back where my family is. Today has solidified this. The time to simplify my life is drawing near I feel.
I've just bought the wonderful Marsedit app btw, so I'm hoping to get better at all this.
Al.
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